How to Stop Feeling HurtWhat if you could stop feeling hurt? What if people could do and say whatever they pleased and you could be unaffected by it? Well...I don't know if one article could take you all the way completely there, but let's start moving in that direction... Because while I can't say that I never feel hurt by other people's words and actions, it happens very rarely. now. So how can you stop feeling hurt? First off, what happens when someone "hurts" your feelings is they speak about something that you yourself believe might be true (or maybe you even believe it wholeheartedly). If someone tells me I speak English badly and that my American accent is fake, well...I don't know if I'd laugh at them in their face but I would NEVER take them seriously or care the slightest bit about their comments... Why? Because I am an American and I have an American accent. English is my native language and I speak it just fine. Now they could talk about the way I speak French or German (because I know I don't speak either of those languages perfectly)... It still wouldn't hurt my feelings because how I speak French and German has nothing to do with who I am or my inate value as a human being. It's just feedback. If you want to stop feeling hurt, ask yourself what that hurtful comment meant to you. Your feelings can only be hurt when you agree (to some degree) with what they are saying (or what you are interpreting about what they are saying) about you. Actually there's a second step to it... You have to agree with them and it has to mean something bad about your value as a human being (on some level) or anything that is REALLY important to you... For example, someone could criticize the way I clean my house. I could not care because cleaning my house well has nothing to do with who I am or my value as a human being. But I could make it mean that I'm not competent as a human being. That I'm not capable of managing my time well and that means I'm irresponsible. Or maybe I could make it mean that I'm lazy or immature. Ouch! That would not feel good...at least for me it wouldn't... But here's the deal...there are people out there who are very responsible and mature who don't do a great job cleaning their houses. So it that true? (hint: the answer starts with an "n") Another important part of how to stop feeling hurt is to turn it around. What's the opposite of the "hurtful" statement? In my example, how am I responsible and mature? If you look, you can always find something. If you have some trouble with it, get someone to help you. Your friends know all about your better qualities. It's why they're your friends! My favorite game to play in these situations is "So what else could my less than perfectly clean house mean about me?" You start with the answers you "think" are true, but keep going...start making up stuff...say anything that comes to mind... And if you are saying to yourself "This is far too silly. My problems are much more serious than this." Well...what else could it mean? ; ) If you keep asking... You'll get all sorts of answers. Some of them will be absolutely ridiculous. For me that's usually when I realize how silly my judgements were and I start to laugh. Laughing is always a good sign that you're making changes in the way you think... So... If some of the meanings you give to circumstances are made up, what would happen if ALL of the meanings you give to circumstances were made up? And while we're on the subject of How to Stop Feeling Hurt... Or just read what everyone else has said... Or you can introduce yourself to the Thought Detective community! Looking forward to hearing from you... Suzanne
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