Stopping Hurt Feelings from Mental and Social Abuse

by Percy
(California USA)

How do I stop feeling hurt when several people are being very ugly and insulting to me. (In a conspiracy way through passing along gossip and insults.)

Ugly looks and going out of the way to show me they're being ugly (like ignoring me or turning the other direction when they see me coming (but of course being nice to others around me and excluding me)

I mention the ugly treatment to someone and by their answer and the way they respond I can tell they're "in on it" too.

(This is including family members acting ugly to me and getting non-family members to be ugly towards me too)

Then there are also others out in society that want to take jabs at me at times.

The hurt feelings are overwhelming when I'm getting it from all sides.

Of course I spew out insults about them (to myself) and expletives and name calling towards them but that doesn't help stop the hurt, fear and anger I feel.

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How to Stop Feeling Hurt
by: Suzanne

Hi Percy,

First off, wow. Being willing to share how you feel and what's going on in your head regarding a difficult moment in your life isn't the easiest thing in the world.

So I hope you gave yourself some credit for doing it. Not everyone out there would be willing to be so honest about themselves.

So now on to the problem...

Let's start off with the first steps at How to Stop Feeling Hurt

Pick some behavior that someone is doing that you don't like.

So what do you think it means?

What else could it mean?

Keep going...think of every possible meaning it could have...even something really stupid...

Think of the most bizarre and stupid thing it could mean...

Because in my experience it's the meaning that is "hurting" you...not the behaviour.

For example...

If someone who was severely disabled mentally was mean to you or insulted you, would you be hurt by it?

Or would you think to yourself "oh they don't realize what they are doing because of their disability"...

Did you know that everyone on the planet has disabilities?

They aren't permanent or anything like that, but everyone on the planet has temporary emotional disabilities that cause them to behave in bizarre ways.

Sometimes it comes and goes quickly...

Sometimes it takes awhile for it to go away...

The more you can see all of the people in your life as people with temporary emotional disabilities, the easier it is to let their behavior just slide right off and forget them.

And spend more time doing things you enjoy and thinking about things you enjoy thinking about.

I know that when I spend time thinking about unpleasant people, I usually feel unpleasant...

And when I do think about those people, I always want to remember that they are disabled emotionally for the time being.

That way I'm more likely to feel sorry for them and then I can get back to the fun stuff.

Hope it helps (and let us know how you're doing) : )

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